Maya Unwound
by Chrysanthemums5
Summary: "Like the appearance of silver in mother of pearl, the world seems real until the Self, the underlying reality, is realized." Teyla has been having flashes, visions of another life. John trusts her intuition, but can they handle the truth? AU after Torren's birth. Rated M for references in later chapters just to be safe, although no explicit content is included. John/Teyla (Sheyla)
1. Chapter 1

A/N: A strange little scene popped into my head one day while driving. It had no story, no real plot to speak of at all, but it made my brain itch until I wrote it down. Then the story started to unfold with the help of several Starbucks grande soy lattes with a shot of peppermint. Each chapter is little short, only a little more than 1200 words each. And yes, I know, there are plot holes large enough to sail an aircraft carrier through. All I can say is, it's _sci-fi_, with a heavy emphasis on the _fi_. And it's AU.

A very special thank you to **Alysia Ariana** (MyWorld1) over at DeviantArt for the amazing cover art. She has created several wonderful Stargate pieces.

Please see the original on my profile page.

Stargate Atlantis, post Season 4, AU

* * *

_"There's something to be said about the colors in your head_

_And how they mix to form the perfect shade of sadness ..._

_It's just the story of our lives_

_We wish we had this."_

_Andrew Belle - "All Those Pretty Lights"_

**Chapter One**

The line of cars stretched in a seeming endless line. One after another they inched forward at 40 miles per hour, then slammed on the brakes, only to speed up for three or four feet. It was maddening. The day was already getting hot, and the baby was starting to fuss, and damn-it-all if they didn't reach that exit soon, things were going to get real.

John gripped the steering wheel tightly, his eyes scanning, planning his next two maneuvers. An elderly woman was in the next lane staring straight ahead but she had fallen a foot back. One more pump forward and John knew he could jump in front of her. He poised, watching the cars twenty or so in front as their brake lights dimmed. Like a cascade of dominoes the lights dimmed in front of him until it was their turn. A quick glance at the grandma, and John shot forward and to the right, neatly cutting her off. A thrill surged through him, and John drummed a victory dance on the wheel.

"That was quite rude, John." His wife spoke serenely from the passenger seat without looking at him. Keeping one eye on their progress, John glanced at her.

"She's not in a hurry. We are, Teyla." The baby let out an unhappy sound from his car seat behind them as if to emphasize John's point. He raised his eyebrows at Teyla, tipping his head back towards the rear seat. Teyla frowned.

"We have no idea what her intentions are." Teyla drew a small comb from her yoga bag and ran it through her already perfect hair. The baby let out a frustrated squall, and Teyla sighed. "Are we almost there yet?"

"What do you think?" John growled. Teyla looked ahead at their position as they edged closer to the exit ramp as if they had never driven this very road before. She could have been gazing at a cow field, she looked that disinterested.

"I think we're going to be late."

"Well, no kidding! That is why I cut the old lady off!" The line jerked forward again, and now John could see the traffic light at the end of the ramp. It was blinking red. At this rate it was going to take another ten minutes just to reach the intersection. Unless he could get it fixed.

John snatched his cell phone from the cup holder and hit the speed dial. Two rings later and a distracted McKay picked up. "_What?_"

"McKay, the light it out at Interstate and Broadway. Hack in, fix it, do whatever to get that thing green for the exit."

"_Seriously?_ _I'm in the middle off-_"

"NOW McKay!" John shouted, acutely aware of Teyla's disapproving sniff. The baby began crying in earnest, and Teyla reached a hand between the front seat to stroke his head, her eyes narrowing in John's direction.

"_Alright, alright! Jeez, Sheppard, just let me ... there, it's green. Happy now?_"

"Very." John gave Teyla a cheeky smirk and moved into gear. "I owe you, McKay" They moved forward smoothly, and the baby quieted as they sped up. John shifted as they made the light and turned right, then switched lanes again passing two cars before cruising down Broadway.

"_I'll just put it on your tab._" McKay disconnected the call.

"I'm not sure that was completely ethical," Teyla began then hurried to interrupt John's imminent rant. "Yet it did benefit more than just us, so I suppose in the cosmological scheme of things ... it was not that bad."

"Not that bad is not that bad." John grinned. Teyla smiled at his boyishness, drawing her arm back and rolling her shoulder. Five minutes later they arrived at the center. John parked the car and opened the back door. Teyla gathered up her yoga mat and bag while John unlocked the infant carrier and slung the diaper backpack over his shoulder. The small family hurried up the sidewalk that bordered the modern building on one side and an Asian garden on the other. They reached the front entrance and John reached his free arm to pull open one half of the doorway when Teyla stopped him. Her hand was gripping his arm tightly, and he looked first from her hand then to her face. Her mouth had dropped open in shock at what she saw, and John swiftly looked ahead, trying to understand what had upset her.

The entrance was circular, two halves forming the doors, and each with a smooth silver pull handle. The wood was a pale wood that had been recently been rubbed with a light blue finish. The frame was an arch of grey stone, that if it continued into the floor would have formed a perfect circle. They had been here once before when Teyla had been interviewed for the yoga instructor position. The door had been yellow that day, but he didn't understand what had her so rattled.

"What is it? What's wrong?" John pulled Teyla a few feet back away from the entrance.

"John! Oh my. Do you see that?" Teyla dropped her mat and bag. Her eyes raked over the door, then searched his face.

"The new paint? Sure, yeah, it looks okay." John ran his thumb across her cheek. "Does it bug you?"

"No, the paint is fine. I am being foolish." Her eyes drew into herself.

"Something bothered you," John nudged her. Teyla looked back at the entrance, biting her lower lip.

"Yes. John, have you ever had the feeling that something was not quite right? That our lives were not what they were supposed to be?"

"All the time," he shrugged.

"I am being serious. When I saw the doorway, it ... tingled in my mind. Like a memory of a dream. I have seen that doorway before John. I think we both have." Teyla pointed John towards it. "Does it seem at all familiar to you?"

John shifted the infant carrier as he cocked his head, considering the door. Teyla was a very intuitive person, and he trusted her. He traced the stones that formed the frame, each one rounded and smooth. A symbol was carved into each one representing different cultural paths to peace and enlightenment. At least that is what he assumed they were. He frowned. Teyla nodded.

"You see it too?"

"Maybe..." John turned back to Teyla and they stared into each others eyes. "But the symbols are wrong, aren't they?"

"I believe so, yet I cannot remember what they are supposed to be," Teyla sighed in frustration. Torren gurgled at that moment, and she suddenly came back to where they were.

"And now I really am late," Teyla picked up her things. "I am sorry, Colonel. I must get to work." She hefted the carrier onto her hip and moved toward the door that minutes before had so distressed her.

"Teyla, wait!" John caught up to her. "Stop. What did you call me?"

"I don't know," Teyla said, confused.

"You called me Colonel. Why in the world would you do that?" John searched her face as his heart began to hammer.

Teyla's breath increased as she looked up at John. "Colonel? I called you Colonel?" John nodded. Intuition washed over Teyla and she touched his chest, smoothing two fingers along his row of buttons in the center. "You are Colonel Sheppard. I am Teyla Emmagan. And we ... we are not married."


	2. Chapter 2

_There's an anchor that's pulling on my heart,_

_And it's deep in the water but it can't take me down ..._

_Shows me all of this time I've been blind to this waking life._

_Now I...see it everywhere._

_Schuyler Fisk - Waking Life_

**Chapter Two**

"Of course we're married. We are married, and we have a son together!" John insisted.

Teyla sighed and rubbed her eyes. "This is true, I know it to be true. And yet, somehow I know that it is also false."

John took the carrier from Teyla and gently set it on the ground. He pulled his wife into his arms, and she melted in, wrapping her own arms around his waist and pressing her cheek into his solid chest. This moment felt real, Teyla thought. She loved this man. In no way did _that_ feel false. But she could not shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

"Whatever is going on, we'll figure it out together." John rubbed her back as he murmured comforting words in her ear.

"Do you believe me?" Teyla whispered.

"I do. I don't want it to be true, but I have absolute faith in you Teyla." John pulled back and looked down into her warm brown eyes. "I mean it. We will fix this."

Teyla smiled tremulously. "I'm not sure it's something we can fix."

"Are you breaking up with me?" John teased her.

"Of course not! Whatever this is, this wrongness, it is not you. I mean, the way I feel about you is true. There is nothing false about that."

"Well, that is a relief," John said. "Otherwise, I'd have to start courting you all over again."

"Would you?" Teyla asked.

"Without a doubt. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You and Torren."

"Thank you John; But what about right now?"

"Right now, you have a class to lead. Tajhe will understand you being late - traffic was a mess. Let's get inside." Teyla nodded and they gathered up their bags and the baby, and opened the circular blue door again. This time Teyla felt only the slightest hesitation before stepping through it. If John was honest, he felt something weird too when they moved through the arched doorway, but supernatural instinct was not his thing. Teyla hurried to the studio while John took a seat in the lobby and unbuckled Torren. The baby gurgled up at him happily, and John opened a container of fruit puffs for him to snack on while they waited.

As students began arriving, John entertained the baby while making plans. He had never seen Teyla this rattled, at least not in years. She had the weird ability to _know_ things, and he would have brushed it off as nonsense if he didn't know Teyla so well. He would call McKay. He knew Rodney had even less trust in metaphysical _woo-woo_ than John did, but he was the smartest person he knew. He could probably come with some kind of theory if nothing else.

John stood up and began pacing with Torren on his shoulder and dialed McKay again. This time it rang at least six times before Rodney picked up.

"_Sheppard, you do know I have a life right? I don't work for you. I'm in the middle of an experiment_." McKay grumped over the cell phone.

"Yeah, I know Rodney." John hesitated.

"_Okay, then what?_" McKay asked.

"It's just that Teyla got really freaked out a little while ago, and I wondered if you had any ideas."

"_I'm a physicist. Why would I have any idea what goes through your wife's head?_" McKay answered.

John pressed on, ignoring McKay's attitude. "She just kept insisting that our lives were wrong. Not like a missed opportunity kind of thing. More like a 'being-in-the-wrong-universe' kind of thing."

This got McKay's attention. "_She thinks she's in the wrong universe? That's interesting..._"

"Well, she didn't say that exactly, but that's what I think she meant. She said everything was wrong, and that we weren't really married, and then she called me Colonel."

"_You do have a few grey hairs there, no offense, but even I don't think you look like the Colonel_."

"**Not** the KFC Colonel. She wasn't making a joke. She said it as if that was my title and like she'd said it a hundred times before. It was weird and it gave me an odd feeling, I gotta' admit."

"_So in some other universe, your a Colonel, you two aren't together and what? Anything else?_" McKay was making a list in his mind, categorizing the information, looking for connections.

"Hang on, I didn't say we weren't together." John interrupted.

"_But she said you weren't married_," McKay reminded him.

"Yeah, but I know how I feel about her. And she pretty much said the same thing. We may not really be married in this other universe, but we are sure about how we feel about each other."

"_Okay_," McKay amended. "_In this other universe you are a Colonel, you and Teyla aren't married, but you are a thing? What about the baby?_"

"I don't know," John shifted Torren so he could examine the baby's face. He had brown hair and smooth baby skin. John could remember the day he had been born. Teyla had gone into labour and they'd been on a plane between DC and Chicago. John was piloting that day and the weather had been turbullent. He had had to listen as Teyla had given birth right there on the plane, unable to go to her. Thank god McKay had been there too. At least she wasn't alone. It had been the scariest, most amazing day. He couldn't imagine Torren not being their son. "I think he's real, but Teyla didn't say."

"_This isn't a lot to go on here, Sheppard_," Rodney reminded him.

"I know. Just give it some thought, would you?"

"_Will do. Now I've really got to go. I'll call you if anything comes to me_."

John put his phone back into his jeans pocket and sniffed the air. Torren burped and pulled on John's hair. John grinned at the baby. "Someone stinks around here. Is it me?" He swung the little one up in the air, making a production of sniffing his own armpits. Torren squealed in delight. John flipped the baby upside down and took a dramatic sniff of the baby and turned him back upright. "Peee-youu! I think it's you, little man." Torren laughed, and John couldn't help but smile back at him. He loved this little guy. There was no way he wasn't real, John decided. He picked up the backpack, and went looking for the rest rooms, deciding whatever was upsetting Teyla didn't include Torren. Some things were just true, not matter the circumstances.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hold on to me as we go,_

_As we roll down this unfamiliar road._

_And although this wave is stringing us along_

_Just know you're not alone._

_Settle down, it'll all be clear._

_Don't pay no mind to the demons_

_They fill you with fear._

_Phillip Phillips - Home_

**Chapter Three**

John held Teyla as they lay in bed together, her gentle breathing letting him know she was already asleep. It had been an unsettling day to say the least. Ever since the incident with the door at the community center, Teyla had continued to have "moments" where something seemed completely wrong. He had started to suspect a mental breakdown, maybe some sort of delayed postpartum depression, until it had happened to him too.

They were cleaning up the studio after her class when John had noticed a set of sparring rods in a basket in the corner. They seemed out of place in a yoga studio, but he remembered all sorts of classes were held here. He picked one up and a wave of familiarity washed over him. He turned around to tell Teyla when he saw her swirling across the floor. Not in her black and teal yoga clothes but in something else. She was wearing a dead gorgeous leather skirt and top, her arms bare and her hair pulled up. She was swinging a rod - a bantos rod - and was coming right at him. He could see the look of absolute determination on her face and beads of perspiration along her hair line as she spun towards him. He held up the sparring rod in self defence and shouted.

"John?" Teyla placed her hands on the sparring rod. "What is wrong?"

The image snapped back and his Teyla stood in front of him. She was back in her hip hugging black pants and her sleeveless teal top. Her hair was pulled up, but she looked serene, not fierce and or scary. John dropped the rod and took a step back away from her.

"I saw ... I saw," he stumbled, shocked by what had just happened.

"What did you see?" Teyla asked gently. She folded her hands in front of her gazing at John patiently.

"You. I saw you. But not you. It was a different you. You were intense; focused. You had a rod in your hand, shorter than this one," John picked the sparring rod back up. "And you were spinning around across the floor, swinging the rod, about to attack me."

"Attack you? Why?" Teyla asked, her eyes wide.

"I have no idea!" John grabbed her roughly, pressing his face into her neck. He took a long deep breath, inhaling her warmth and her scent. Behind his closed eyes he could draw up the image of a different Teyla. Why had she been fighting with him? That wasn't exactly right. She _had_ been about to attack him, but somehow he knew they hadn't been fighting. They'd been sparring, something he and Teyla had never done. She was a yoga instructor, he was an airline pilot. They went hiking for recreation; they didn't beat each other with short sticks. He knew the vision was wrong. It had to be! Or maybe this was wrong. He didn't know which. But the Teyla he had seen had turned him on like no other. He was still feeling the powerful surge of attraction washing over him at the memory of her spinning across the floor. He groaned into her neck.

"You are not crazy," Teyla assured him, reading his thoughts. "My vision wasn't quite the same, but I think what we have been experiencing _is_ real."

John nodded, still holding her tightly. "What are we going to do?"

"We are going to go make dinner, and then we will talk. Come John," Teyla stepped away but kept his hand in hers. They drove home in silence, each caught up in their own thoughts.

Now in bed, John ran his fingers along Teyla's arm lightly, not wanting to disturb her. The baby was still waking up in the night from time to time, although more often than not he slept through. John knew Teyla needed her sleep. If Torren woke, nothing but nursing would lull him back to sleep. The idea that this world wasn't real nagged at John. Teyla had told him other things she had noticed that had felt wrong to her and John had to admit he'd had a few moments himself, but nothing like what he'd seen in the studio. That had been powerfully real; not a watery vision. For a slice of time he had been right there, about to be hit by Teyla. The very air around him had felt different: warm, salty and humid.

John gently lifted Teyla's arm off his stomach, and slid out of bed. He padded across the floor and pulled the door almost shut behind him. The lamp was still on in the family room and John made his way there. Pulling out a pad of sketch paper, John began to draw.

Swift lines moved across the paper. Teyla's face began to appear. He erased here and there, correcting the form. He drew her skirt, and her slender arm holding the bantos rod. He captured her hair, swept up from her neck. She was glorious. He began working on the room around her. The floor was wide, with geometric patterns around the edges and a thin mat under Teyla's feet. A tall window grew behind her, like something from a cathedral with different panes of color. The air had dust motes dancing in the light, and John tried to capture them as well. When he had drawn everything he could remember, he sat back and stared. Teyla glowed, but it was more than that. He _knew_ this place. He just could not remember from where. He had the feeling he had spent a great deal of time there, and not just with Teyla. As he mulled over this, he turned the page and began another sketch.

John had always been good at drawing. He had no interest in being an artist, but he found sketching relaxing. It helped him think. On this sheet he began a rough outline of the doorway at the community center. He did his best to get the curve right and then began filling in the stones. He erased some lines and redrew them. That was better. The stones were not as rounded at the ones at the center, but they looked _right_. He made keystones, one at the top, two at the midpoint, two more at the side, and two more at the lower point of the curve. A doorway didn't have seven keystones, but again, it just looked right. He left the actual doors out for now, concentrating on the surroundings. A wall appeared behind the curving frame, set back from it. It had windows like the one behind Teyla in the sparring vision, sweeping and majestic. Another circle swept out from in front of the archway across the floor of the room. It was looking less and less like a doorway and more like an archway. This was not the door at the community center. This was somewhere else. John tapped his pencil on the spiral wire of the sketchpad, narrowing his eyes on the archway he had drawn. Something was missing. He lifted his pencil, touching the middle of the circle. He began drawing a spiral, rubbing the edged with his finger to blur it, forming it into a ripple like a pond after a rock had been dropped into it. Waves moved out from the center and bumped up against the edge of the circle. John could swear he saw them moving. A tingling moved up his arms as he soaked in the image he had created. This was real. He was sure of it. He couldn't remember being in this place, but he was absolutely certain he had been there before.

He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face, feeling the shadow of his beard coming in. His eyes felt dry and prickly from exhaustion. He had just stood up and laid the sketchbook aside when a scream tore from Teyla in their room. Racing back to her side, he saw her tangling herself up in the sheets, thrashing from side to side. Swiftly he pulled the covers back and gathered her into his arms. Instead of calming her this made her panic even worse. Teyla shook and fought against him, biting down on his hand. John yelped and did something he had never done before: he grabbed both of Teyla's wrists in one hand, held them out straight behind her and held her down with the other. "Teyla!" he shouted. "Calm down, it's me!"

Teyla quit thrashing and John immediately released her wrists, helping her to sit up. The fight was draining out of her and violent shakes followed close behind. So much fear was racing through her that John could hear her teeth chattering. "Oh, baby," he soothed. "It's alright now, it was just a dream."

Teyla began to cry, deep shuddering sobs wracking her frame. John just held on and let her work it out. He had never seen her so afraid. Whatever she had seen, wherever her dream had taken her, it had been very, very bad. Gradually she calmed down, and she was able to lift her head. Her eyes were swollen from crying and John kissed her eyelids, tasting salty tears there.

"I saw monsters," she finally whispered. "I was a little girl, in a country village, and the monsters came. They took my friends, and one of them took my mother. She tried to fight them, but he struck her in her chest and sucked her dry, like some sort of vampire. She withered away right in front of me, and I screamed and screamed. The monster started coming for me and I tried to run, I did-"

"I know you did, honey," John encouraged.

"But he was grabbing my hair and pulling me back. I fell, and he dragged me. I tried to fight, I bit his hand-"

"That was me," John interjected with a crooked smile. Teyla looked up, startled. "But he pushed me down, and then I, then I think I woke up."

John rubbed her back."It's over now. It was just a dream. A really horrible, nasty dream."

Teyla sagged against him. "I'm not sure anymore. What if it was like before? What if it was a memory or a vision or something?"

"I don't know." John admitted. He knew that her mother had died of cancer when Teyla was a little girl and that she had been raised by her father alone. Maybe all the weird feelings she'd been having had dredged up those painful memories and turned the cancer into a monster that she could see?

"I'm thirsty," Teyla confessed pulling herself up. "I'd really like a cup of tea."

John accepted the change of conversation, and together they went to the kitchen. He filled a mug and put it into the microwave to heat it up quickly while Teyla selected a teabag. Once she had her mug, she sat down on John's favorite chair. The herbal scent rose from her cup, and she closed her eyes, drawing it in.

"I am feeling much better now," Teyla spoke softly. "I don't know what came over me, but I am very sorry about your hand."

"It's fine. If anyone asks, I'll just tell them you were getting creative," he smirked at her suggestively.

"You will not, John Sheppard!"

"No, I won't. I'll say it was the dog."

"Even worse!" Teyla threw a cushion at his head, with surprising accuracy. He batted it away with a grin, knocking his sketchbook to the floor. It fell open to the picture of the archway.

"That is it." Teyla was leaning forward, looking intently at the drawing. "That is just what it looks like."

John picked up the drawing and passed it to Teyla. "But what is it? Where is it?"

"I do not know John. But I have been there," John nodded his agreement, "and we have to find out where it is."

* * *

**AN**: For my international readers, the expression "nursing" a baby means to breastfeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

John laid the sketch pad down on Rodney's desk and took Teyla's hand. She gave him a squeeze. "We have both seen this place before, but we can't remember where. What about you? Does this seem familiar at all?"

Rodney picked up the drawing and tilted his head to one side. "To be honest ...yes."

"Where is it Rodney?" Teyla asked.

"I have no idea." Teyla's face fell. "But I am reasonably sure I've seen it before too, so that is good news."

"How is it good news if none of us remember where we have seen it?"

"Because this means you're not crazy. Mass delusions are really pretty rare."

Teyla frowned lightly. "I never thought I was crazy, Rodney."

"Oh I wasn't implying - never mind." Rodney set the sketch book aside and walked over to his work bench. "I do have an idea though."

He picked up a handheld probe with a small computer screen on it. "I've been working on resonance fields, to understand the unique signatures different objects and organisms emit in order to develop a better detection device. It has incredible potential for security systems, research, you name it."

John nodded for Rodney to continue. "Right. So, this morning I tested it on steel, iron, copper, and even bamboo. Each gave a unique signature, if you will, with a consistent underlying pattern. I hypothesized that this pattern was our universal signature, but of course there is no way to test that short of pulling something from another universe into this one, and since the mulit-verse theory has so many variations, and no real consensus-"

"McKay!" John interrupted.

"Right, sorry. The point is, I pointed it at myself and I didn't have the pattern." Rodney looked smugly happy at this piece of intelligence.

"Maybe it doesn't work on people?" John suggested.

"Oh it works," Rodney insisted confidently. "I used it on Agnes on my coffee break. She had it. Yeah, and Patrick in the supply office? He's got it too." Rodney studied the screen on the device, waving it around the room.

"Well, we always knew you were a bit of a freak of nature," John teased.

"I'm not the only one," Rodney said seriously. He held the device still, aimed at Teyla. "She doesn't have it either."

All business now, John ordered Rodney to point it at himself. "And neither do you." John and Teyla looked at each other, silently communicating their fears. They both looked down at Torren who was sleeping in his car seat carrier. Rodney saw their fear and for once didn't have to be told what was what. He knelt down in front of the baby and scanned him. A small smile touched his lips and he straightened. "He's like us."

"So either we are not real, or none of this is" John swept his arm around the room.

"Actually, those are not the only choices. This could be completely real, we could be completely real, just layered wrong."

"What does that mean?" Teyla asked.

"Well, we might have had some sort of accident or experienced an event that dumped us into the wrong reality and we've been integrated into it," Rodney suggested.

"How is that even possible? I thought you said it was all just a theory with no agreement." John countered.

"It is, but one possibility would be a black hole. If we were close to one, the possibility exists that given enough power we might have 'jumped' from one universe to another rather than being crushed alive."

"We are on Earth, nowhere close to a black hole," John said, feeling exasperated. "I fly commercial jets, not space shuttles. I'm not even in the military, McKay. And neither are you."

"I am just suggesting a possibility. You have to _try_ to think three dimensionally. What you do here may simply be a reflection of how this reality adjusted to your presence. If, for example, we were passing through an Einstein-Rosen bridge, and said bridge extended through the event horizon of a black hole..." Rodney trailed off when he saw their faces.

John blew a breath out and Teyla took a seat on one of Rodney's stools. Rodney worked in research and development for an up and coming tech company and was responsible for at least a dozen recent patents owned by the company. He had access to more toys than a kid in a 'Toys-R-Us' store after hours. If anyone could figure this out, it was him. John shouldn't be so hard on him, he knew.

"Okay, let's just pretend we were out in space, and we flew past this black hole and ended up here, what do we do about it? How do we fix it?" John tried to be patient. Teyla was rubbing her forehead. They were both exhausted. After Teyla's nightmare and then both of them recognizing the room John had drawn, well, neither had slept much last night.

"We would have to recreate the exact events that brought us here," Rodney began and John groaned.

"That is impossible. Not only do we have no idea how we got here, we're not even sure your idea is correct and beyond that we can't just skip out into space to find one of those bridges to ride on through the event horizon of a black hole." John rolled his shoulders.

"That is a probl-" the scanning device fell to the floor as Rodney disappeared. Teyla jumped to her feet and they both stared in horror at the spot where Rodney had just been standing. He was just gone.

"That is not normal!" John practically shouted.

Teyla stretched her arms out in front of her feeling the air where Rodney had stood. "I cannot even sense him, John." Tears spring to her eyes. "It is like he never existed."

"Excuse me?"

John and Teyla turned to a voice behind them. A woman with a name tag that read, "Agnes" was in the doorway. "What are you doing in this room? Only approved visitors are allowed in this wing."

Teyla and John shared a look before John spoke. "We are here as guests of Dr. McKay. He's, uhm, just out for a second."

"You need to come with me," Agnes straightened herself up. "I don't know who you are, but there is no Dr. McKay working here."

* * *

"Dr. Zalenka, how's it coming?" Woolsey asked. The Czech scientist nodded at the leader of Atlantis.

"I think I have a fix on the last possible location of the jumper," he told him. Pointing at the view screen in front of them, he indicated a point on the grid.

"Given the distance from the space gate, and the ion storm the Daedalus detected, I am reasonably sure they went in this direction."

"What sector is that?" Woolsey asked.

"The Kalani system. I found this," he pulled up another screen, "in the Ancient database, once I had an idea where to look."

The screen displayed information on the Kalani sector. "It's a smallish system, with a type II star, and five planets. If they were drifting only, they would have entered the edges of it in a week. But it would have taken another month to reach the planet the Ancients record as being habitable."

"Five weeks? They've only been missing for two," Woolsey pointed out.

"True, which is why I think they may be here."

"We have to consider the possibility that they weren't drifting" Woolsey examined the coordinate map in front of them.

"Col Sheppard would have taken them back to the space gate." Woolsey had to agree.

"Alright, I'll contact the Daedalus. This is the first good lead that we've had." Woolsey hurried out of the lab.


	5. Chapter 5

_"I don't want to disappoint you_

_I don't want to disappear_

_From here, or now, or you."_

_Jack Johnson - As I Was Saying_

**Chapter Five**

John and Teyla, along with the sleeping Torren, followed Agnes down the hall. At the reception desk, she glared at them and pulled open her sign-in book. "Is this you?" she asked, pointing at their names.

'_John and Teyla Sheppard, visitors of Dr. Pouzdan_.' The log was quite clear. The horror of seeing Rodney simply vanish was being compounded by the fact that this woman didn't seem to even know him, and that they definitely didn't know any Dr. Pouzdan.

Agnes gave them a pointed look. "Dr. Pouzdan works in medical research; that way." She pointed down a brightly lit hallway. "Can you explain what you were doing in the other laboratory?"

"Got lost," John mumbled, grabbing Teyla's hand. They had to get out of here. "Won't happen again." He pulled Teyla towards the other hallway.

Teyla turned back to Agnes while being pulled along by John "Sorry for the confusion!" she called.

Agnes frowned at them again but returned to her work, while John and Teyla escaped around the corner. They kept going, making turns seemingly at random, silently trying to put some distance between themselves and the nosy receptionist. Reaching an open area with a small fountain and a group of tropical plants under a skylight, they stopped and sat down on a bench.

"John, I feel a great deal of anxiety about our situation." Teyla spoke.

"Me too," he agreed.

"Where did Rodney go? It was like he was there and then he was gone!"

"That's pretty much exactly how I saw it," John said. "Now we know something is wrong. I'm no physicist, but I don't think he suddenly jumped through a black hole."

"Agreed," said Teyla. They both sat still for a few minutes.

"Maybe we should go back and get his device, the one he was working on," John suggested.

"To what end?" Teyla asked. "We already know there is something different about us from this world. I no longer believe anything I see."

"Except for me and Torren?" John spoke with a question in his voice.

Teyla added, "Except for you and Torren." John nodded his relief.

"Are you John and Teyla?" a warm voice spoke quietly from their left.

John stood up rapidly, shielding Teyla and the baby with his body. "Who are you? Better yet, what are you?"

The voice belonged to an elderly gentleman in a pristine white lab coat. '**_Dr. Pouzdan_**' was embroidered above his front pocket in blue thread. "I am Dr. Pouzdan. Perhaps you would like to come with me. The seating in my office is more comfortable." He turned and walked away. Teyla and John shared a brief look before following.

"We don't have an appointment with you," John said. "We were here to see our friend Dr. McKay."

Dr. Pouzdan smiled gently at them, ushering them to the couch in his office. "I know. But he was finished, so we took him out."

"What do you mean, you took him out!" John shouted. "Did you kill him? Who are you?"

"Dr. McKay's healing was complete, so we pulled him out." Dr Pouzdan began in a placating tone. "I apologize, we are not aware of what your reality entails until we enter it ourselves. If we had known Dr. McKay was standing right in front of you when we disconnected him, well, we wouldn't have done it like that. He was quite insistent on returning here to explain it all to you, but our Administrator would not allow it. I'm afraid this is all just a misunderstanding,"

"I'll say," John growled at the man. "What is going on here?"

The doctor, '_if he really was a doctor_,' John thought, sat down and placed his hands on his chest. "I am Travar Pouzdan. But this is not my body." He placed his hands on his desk. "This is not my desk, and this is not my real office." He paused to see how the two were taking this.

"Go on," Teyla spoke. John nodded with calculating eyes.

"All of this, everything that you see is your reality. It is marvelous; I cannot say I have ever seen anything quite like it before," he mused glancing out the window at the city beyond. "Remarkable detail, I must say."

"Our reality?" John pressed.

"Well, it is the reality you have created, together. Both of you and your friend Dr. McKay. We found the three of you inside your little ship, drifting in deep space. You were unconscious, and suffering from multiple injuries including hypothermia. In order to preserve your higher brain functions while you healed, we placed each of you into a biostasis healing pod. It allows you to interact with one another as you would normally until your bodies have healed to the point that you can safely wake up." Pouzdan stopped talking, allowing the pair in front of him to take this in.

John and Tayla sat together, stunned. A simulation. All of it. Except for each other and the baby. None of it was real. Teyla felt a twang of fear ripple through her middle. She didn't know what being in space was like, and the idea that she had been out there, freezing to death... She squeezed John's hand harder.

John was skeptical. "So you're an alien?"

Dr Pouzdan chuckled. "In as much as you are. Our species is scattered throughout this galaxy. You and Dr McKay have some unique polypeptides in your cells that are not found in our records nor in your wife's body, but you are undeniably the same as us."

"What about my baby?" Teyla asked.

"Your child was also unconscious, but infants are so much more resilient than we usually give them credit for," the doctor smiled indulgently. "He has been ready to wake for several days, but it was deemed safer for his well being that he remain here with you." Teyla and John both let out a sigh of relief.

Teyla lifted Torren and held him close. John ran his hand over the little boy's head, then looked back at the doctor. "If none of this is real, why can't we remember our real lives? I mean, we've both had flashes, visions of another life. But what we've remembered is nothing like what you're describing."

"Ah, yes." The doctor looked uncomfortable at this question. "Normally, the reality created within the pod is initially a mirror of that persons actual life. We include certain markers in the program, symbols that our people will recognise and will alert them to the truth of their situation. Most understand the situation and accept their time here as opportunity for a vacation, if you will. Of course, we knew the four of you were not from our world and would not recognise the markers. But you were in serious condition. We had no choice. And in some cases, when the damage is severe ... the reality has been known to change. You are the ones creating this. If this is not your life outside the pod, then this must be something you have at the very least considered, and at best wished for very deeply."

Teyla leaned into John's side. "And when we are better? Will we remember our lives then?"

"Usually patients remember being injured only after they leave the pod. After a day or so, the memory of the event and the memories created in the pod merge and become a seamless narrative. Both of you are very nearly healed. We are quite hopeful that when you wake it will all become clear."

"Does McKay remember?" John asked.

"He has said that his real life and this reality were quite similar, only the location was different," the doctor told them. "To be honest, we were impressed that he was able to devise a way to detect the simulation. To date, not one of our people has ever done this. It was ingenious."

A thought nagged at John's mind. This doctor seemed very well informed. "How long has McKay been awake?"

"Two solar days, why?"

"Two days?! He disappeared less than an hour ago!"

The doctor frowned in confusion. "I admit, this is a first for me. Are you saying time is moving differently for you?"

"How should we know?" John asked. He and Teyla shook their heads at each other. "This has to end, now." John stated, and Teyla nodded her agreement.

"You are both doing quite well, are you sure you want to leave? The frostbite burns on your extremities are very nearly healed."

John touched Teyla's face and she reached for his. Torren lay in her arms between them. Silent communication passed between them.

John spoke, not looking away from Teyla. "We're sure."


	6. Chapter 6

_"Looking at you is like looking at me; We seek, never find; Always dream, never see."_

_Anna Gilbert - Swept Away_

**Chapter Six**

"He's doing wonderfully, Teyla," Dr. Keller enthused. She held Torren under his arms and let him put a little weight on his own legs. The littlest Lantean pressed his toes down into the examine table then pulled one up, and Dr. Keller smiled in delight. "I can't find a single thing wrong with him!"

Teyla's eyes sparkled as she watched her son gurgle at Dr. Keller. She was so relieved that Torren was healthy and unharmed by their ordeal. When she had awoken in the alien medical facility, her first thoughts had been for her son and for John. The medical staff on Kalanous had assured her Torren was completely healed, but she had not quite allowed herself to relax until Dr. Keller had examined him. Her joy at seeing her little one safe and healthy held back but did not completely stop the ache she felt inside.

Teyla thanked Dr. Keller and settled Torren into his sling. She left the infirmary and wandered through the Atlantean hallways, following habit until she found herself at the entrance to the dining hall. The midday meal was winding to a close, and very few personnel were still inside. Teyla decided to take a chance, and slipped over to the serving line. She selected a few items and moved to a table near the doors to the balcony. Torren reached out a chubby hand for her food, and Teyla slipped him onto her lap to share her meal with him. A tray clapped loudly onto the return counter, echoing around the virtually empty room as the few remaining diners left. The kitchen staff began their routine of clearing the hall, and Teyla began to relax in the emptiness of the room.

"How's the little guy?"

Teyla looked up at Ronon. She hadn't even noticed him approach. She offered her teammate a gracious smile, inviting him to sit down.

"He is well. Dr. Keller is very pleased with how well he has recovered." Teyla offered Torren a piece of fruit. Ronon reached out and rubbed a knuckle on Torren's head earning him a slurpy grin from the baby.

"Look, I just wanted to tell you, personally, that I'm sorry I wasn't there for you guys." Ronon looked uncomfortable but determined.

"It wasn't a mission. You had no obligation to accompany us," Teyla protested.

"I should have come anyway. That is what friends do."

"I know Ronon, but it wouldn't have made a difference. If you had been with us no doubt you would have joined us in the healers simulation." She had difficulty hiding the hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Yeah, I know," Ronon agreed. "I just want you to know, I'm here for you."

Teyla smiled, "Thank you." Ronon excused himself a moment later and Teyla let her smile slip.

Despite her sessions with the counselor, Teyla was still having difficulty merging her memories. She knew now that her life inside the medical pod had been nothing more than a very realistic dream. She was Athosian, not from Earth. She had never done yoga before this week, although her first class had gone very well. That must have been John's addition to the reality, Teyla imagined. At the thought of John, her heart clenched. When they were both awake and her jumbled memories began to return, embarrassment had swept over her. When he had turned away from her, humiliation had quickly followed. They had barely spoken to each other since returning to Atlantis.

Torren banged his hand on the table, sending her spoon across the floor. He began to fuss, and Teyla knew it was time for his afternoon nap. Balancing the baby against her chest, she squatted down to pick up the errant spoon. When she came back up she glanced around to see if anyone had notice her awkward maneuver. That was when she saw John. He was standing in the doorway, hand halfway lifted towards her. Their eyes met and he dropped his hand. Teyla swallowed. They stood there, looking at one another until Torren began to fuss again. Teyla lifted her son back into his sling, and adjusted him. He snuggled in, and she began to sway, gently rocking him from side to side. He closed his eyes and Teyla lifted hers but John was gone.

-ooo-

Thwack!

John punched the bag again. Thwack, thwack, thwack! His punches continued. Teyla swaying with the baby. Thwack. Teyla reaching for the spoon. Thwack. Teyla beside him in bed. Thwack. Not real. Thwack. Felt real. Thwack. Thwack.

Sweat dripped into his eyes, and John stopped and leaned against the wall. His eyes stung with it. Once the memories started, only the punching bag could lock them away again. Until he saw her and everything came flooding back again. He'd been spending hours in the sparring room since they had returned to Atlantis. It barely took the edge off.

It had been _his_ dream. _His_ reality. Time had been irrelevant inside the pods. A moment lasted as long or as short as they had made it, with no awareness of the true passage of time. What they had lived during those two weeks had felt like months. The baby, their jobs; It had all been so real. But hardly what Teyla could have conjured up on her own. She didn't know enough about Earth to imagine it that realistically. It was his fault. Shame washed over him.

God, did that qualify him as a rapist or something? He had _been_ with her, even if it was only in their minds. She'd accepted it, but everything in that place told her it was real. Her wavering doubts, her intuitions, she'd pushed them all aside. Because of him. John pushed a towel into his face then threw it into the corner.

The baby made it all that much worse. He had believed Teyla's son was his own. But Torren wasn't his son, he was Kannan's; Teyla's childhood love, who had sacrificed himself to help them escape the Wraith. Kannan may be gone, but everyone knew how Teyla had mourned him. She'd taken a leave of absence for two weeks to be with her people when she lost him. When she returned, she had become so serious, so much more focused. She wasn't interested in John, she never was. What a fool he'd been.

He walked to the corner and touched the bantos rods. Teyla's speciality. Feeling like he had been burned, John backed away. He tried to look away from them, but it was like the rods had come alive and were watching him. Not bothering to clean up the room, John fled.

-ooo-

Evening settled around the city and gradually turned to night. Personnel on night rotations reported for duty while others were relieved. Hallway lights were lowered to evening settings, and a quietness fell. Far above the crew quarters, in a mostly dark section, a desk lamp still burned. Rodney McKay hunched over the pile of spare parts, computer chips, data crystals and other detritus of technology. From the shadows beyond the room, Teyla watched the brilliant man work, rocking Torren as she stood there.

Teyla didn't know what to do. Torren refused to sleep unless she walked and she desperately needed to talk. Although the counselor had tried, no one quite understood what she had gone through. It was too difficult to grasp. She _remembered_ being a human from Earth who knew nothing about the Ancients, the Pegasus galaxy, or the Wraith. She had been loved and had loved fiercely in return. She had felt safe; complete. Now she felt empty and bereft.

Back and forth Teyla stepped, the floor cool and smooth under her bare feet. She moved nearly silently in a dance. McKay was using some sort of tool she didn't recognise that made a white-blue glow. He set it down and selected another. For ten minutes or more Teyla rocked back and forth in the shadows. Torren was sleeping now, and she decided to return to bed. Maybe...

"You might as well come in," Rodney spoke.

Feeling slightly ashamed for lurking, Teyla moved into the light. "Good evening Rodney. Are you working late?"

"Obviously," Rodney stated.

"What are you ... what is it?" Teyla asked.

Rodney looked up from his tools, his eyes shining like a child's. "Remember that device I created, the one when we were all asleep on Kalanous?" Teyla nodded. "Well, I decided to see if I could recreate it in the real world. I did consider the possibility that it only worked because I wanted it too, you know wish fulfillment creating my reality and all that, but the more I thought through it, I realized that I was in fact a genius!"

"We have always known this," Teyla told him.

"Of course you have, of course you have. Still, I think this may be the first time that I created something entirely from my own dreams that is going to work." Rodney carried on about his device while Teyla listened with only half her attention, wandering around his work space.

"Is that how it feels to you? Like it was only a dream?" She picked up a small harmless looking gadget, carefully not looking at Rodney.

"Sure, that's what is was, right? My life wasn't that different, other than the forgetting about Atlantis and all; But otherwise, it was similar. I guess that means I'm happy with my life." He began connecting the cable from his prototype to his computer.

Teyla sighed softly. She set the gadget down and turned to leave. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Rodney," she said.

"You didn't, at least not this time." Looking up, Rodney saw her face. "Oh, wow. I'm sorry Teyla. Um, did you want to, I mean, did you come here to, ah ... talk?" he stammered.

"I would never make you so uncomfortable, Rodney," she assured him. "I merely felt lonely. Torren is having trouble sleeping since we came back, and I find myself walking the evening corridors much more than I used to."

"Oh good," Rodney said, then grimaced. "I mean not good that he's keeping you up and all."

"I understand what you mean," Teyla smiled sadly. "Thank you for your company." She was walking through the doorway when she stopped and turned around. Hurrying back to the work table, Teyla shifted Torren's sling to his hip and hugged Rodney. "Good night Rodney."


	7. Chapter 7

_"I still see your reflection inside of my eyes_

_That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life"_

_Lifehouse - 'Broken'_

**Chapter Seven**

John lifted his head from the pillow to check the clock. It was 0223 hours. He still hadn't fallen asleep. He tried and he tried and he tried, but his mind kept racing. He got up and did a set of push ups and laid back down. He scrunched up the pillow. He kicked off the blankets, then felt cold and pulled them back up. He rolled to the side and tried to see out the window, but darkness stretched beyond the glow of Atlantis, obscuring anything to be seen with the naked eye.

Deciding sleep was pointless, he pulled on a pair of sweats and left his quarters. He had no destination in mind, but strangely found himself walking to McKay's office. Before Kalanous McKay had driven him nuts. Okay, he still kind of did, but now he was sort of soothing in a bizarre way, like a slice of banana bread that wasn't very good but reminded you of being a kid.

The light was off in McKay's office, and John figured he must have gone to bed like normal people did at night. He started to walk on when a glow emanated from McKay's office, making his body cast a hazy shadow on the wall opposite himself. He spun around and ran in. McKay was sitting on the floor in the dark holding a tool that he was making light up, off and on.

"McKay? What are you doing sitting here in the dark?" he asked.

"What?" Rodney looked up. "Oh hey."

"Hey." John sat down and leaned back against a cabinet.

"Can't sleep either, huh?" Rodney switched the tool on again.

"Nope."

Rodney switched the tool off.

"So, what _are_ you doing?" John asked. He didn't know why he had come here to chat with Rodney McKay of all people in the middle of the night.

"Trying to recreate my multi-dimensional analysis device."

John flinched at the reminder. "Any luck?"

"It works. Well, I'm reasonably sure it does." Rodney turned the tool over in his hands.

"You don't sound happy about that." John remarked.

Rodney scratched at the back of his head. "It was too easy. I had it completely worked out in my head, and it only took an hour or so to put together."

"Not satisfying without the challenge, huh?" John guessed.

"Not really." Rodney switched the tool on and off again then added, "Teyla stopped by."

John swallowed. "Oh yeah?"

"The baby can't sleep either." Rodney looked at John directly for the first time. "She looked tired."

"_McKay_," John spoke the warning. Rodney ignored it.

"She's been coming here every night, and I'm fairly sure it's not me."

"You two have been talking?" John asked, unable to hide the incredulous tone.

"Not until tonight. Usually she just paces out in the hall for a while."

"Huh," John grunted, considering that image.

"The baby keeps her up," Rodney repeated.

"Your point?"

"Maybe she's want your-"

"She's not my wife, McKay. He is not my son. She doesn't want anything from me." John's elbows rested on his knees and he pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes.

"Are you sure about that?" Rodney was being usually direct. People were not his thing but something had to break this stalemate those two had reached. Otherwise, _he'd_ go crazy. "It was her reality too."

"She was the most severely injured, trying to protect Torren." John insisted. He dropped his hands and whispered, "You and I both know it was _my_ thoughts that created that world."

"She wasn't a computer program, Sheppard. She didn't just follow a set of encrypted instructions. Have you considered that maybe she accepted it as real because it was what she wanted too?"

Silence met Rodney's words. He turned to look at John who was cloaked in shadows, but his outline was visible. John was completely still, not even breathing it seemed. Rodney said nothing, waiting for John to say something. A beep sounded on his wrist. The blue numerals on his watch told him it was now 0300. The beep snapped John out of his stillness.

"She knew. She knew it wasn't real, or at least it wasn't right. She kept having these moments where something would trigger a real memory and she would tell me something was wrong."

"But she never left," Rodney responded. "That's got to mean something."

"Maybe. I don't know." John pushed himself up and Rodney followed. They walked to the door, and Rodney waved it closed before they shook hands and went their separate ways. At the bend in the corridor Rodney stopped. He called out to John's retreating form, "Just, you know, think about it."

John raised his arm without looking back, then disappeared around the corner.

-oo-

John padded back towards his quarters. He met few people and was soon passing the lounge outside Teyla's door where he hesitated. What if McKay was right? Did Teyla create some of their reality, even if by just accepting it? The thought made him stop outside her door, unable to move on. Hands on both sides of the frame, he leaned his forehead against the door. This craving was starving him, consuming him from the inside out. His head told him to walk away but his heart would not move. Everything he wanted, everything that made him whole was behind this door. How could he move on? He slowed his breathing and tried picturing her. Her hair that was not quite red and not quite brown, floating around her shoulders. He could picture her laughing at something he had said as she caught it up into a pencil to keep it out of her face while they made dinner. It was the little moments that hurt the most. The ones that had never happened, wouldn't happen. He remembered pulling that pencil out and running his hands through her hair. Catching the back of her head and kissing her hungrily. The ache filled his chest.

_"The way I feel about you is true."_ Her voice whispered in his memory and John's eyes snapped open.

_"I'd have to start courting you all over again."_ He'd told her.

_"Would you?"_

A muffled cry from within told him the baby was fussing again and John gave in. He waved his hand over the door sensor, hoping Teyla had added him to her admittance list. The door whispered open and, relieved, he stepped through.

The room was dimly lit, only a yellow glow from the bathroom illuminating the feminine form sinking into a soft chair. The door hissed quietly closed behind him, and John moved towards her. She was focused on the baby, helping him settle into her lap to be fed. Teyla didn't look up as she exposed her breast and helped the baby latch on. Only once the baby was nursing did she lift her eyes.

"John," she simply said his name.

"Teyla, I ... could you ever forgive me?" he whispered, kneeling down in front of her.

Teyla stretched her fingers towards him, lightly running them down his shoulder. "Whatever for?"

"For taking advantage of you. You were hurt and I made that world. It was my fault." John sought her eyes in the dimness.

"You were injured too, John. I took advantage of _you_, not the other way around. So I should be asking for your forgiveness."

John looked confused. "I made you think we were married, Teyla. That was my dream."

A small smile began at the corner of Teyla's mouth. "That was my dream too; But you didn't ask to be a father," she added sadly.

John reached a hand out and gently stroked Torren's head as he continued nursing. "Do you know how it felt when you told me you were pregnant? In the real world, not in the dream?"

Teyla, shook her head, her eyes wide.

"It crushed me, Teyla."

She nodded, "I see. You didn't want-"

"No," he cut her off when he saw her face. "No, that's not it. It hurt _so_ badly Teyla, because I wished that you had been with me, and that it was our child. It was like a rock had been thrown through a window, shattering any hope I had."

Teyla moistened her bottom lip and took a deep breath. "Did you really want this?"

"The whole package," John said as he rose up. Sliding his hand up to cup her head, John crushed his lips against hers.


	8. Chapter 8

_"So show me family,_

_All the blood that I would bleed ..._

_I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart."_

_The Lumineers - 'Ho Hey'_

**Chapter Eight**

Teyla met his kiss with a passion of her own. When his tongue touched hers, she opened and drew him in, eliciting a groan from John. He broke from her lips and laid kisses along her jaw, moving to her neck where he savored the warm vanilla taste of her skin and breathed in her unique, exotic scent. Lifting his head, he ran his hands down her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. Wordlessly, Teyla nodded her acceptance.

John lifted the sleeping Torren from her arms and settled the baby into the crook of his arm. As they had done countless times in their dream reality, they worked together to put the baby to bed: Teyla picked up the baby wrap, while John lifted his arm that held the baby. She wrapped the baby, sliding her own arm to replace John's as he deftly passed the sleeping child back to her. He tucked the ends up and moved Torren's soft toys to edges of his crib and rolled another flannel up while Teyla laid the baby down and pressed the roll John passed her to the baby's back.

John slipped his arm around Teyla's hip and drew her closer. They stood a moment more, watching Torren sleep. There was no more awkwardness. Both knew the other like their own skin. Teyla turned into John's arms. "Just because it wasn't real, didn't mean it wasn't real to me."

He pulled her close, every inch of them touching. "It'd be nice to make it real," John whispered.

"Please," Teyla spoke the words that shattered his self-control. Scooping her into his arms, he carried her to the bed and proceeded to make every one of their dreams reality.

-oo-

Hours later dawn was slowly brightening the sky. Teyla lay beside John, curled into him and tracing patterns on his chest. He returned the favor, drawing circles on the small of her back. Feeling warm and drowsy, they held each other knowing morning would mean an end to this and a return to their duties.

Teyla drew a circle over John's sternum. "Can you really draw that well?"

A laughter rumbled in his chest and Teyla smiled at the sound. "I'm afraid that was pure fiction. I couldn't draw my way out of a box."

"Perhaps you should try again," Teyla suggested. "I have discovered I am quite proficient at yoga, despite having never taken a class until we returned." She kissed the spot she'd been tracing. "Radek is a very good teacher," she added.

"Dr. Zalenka teaches yoga?" John said disbelievingly. "How did I not know this?"

"Perhaps because your sparring classes usually overlap with his yoga ones."

"Hmm." John's hand moved from her back to her hair and he began playing with the soft strands. "Teyla, I meant it, what I said before."

She lifted herself up onto her elbows and looked down at John. Her hair fell like a cloud around him, and he was momentarily distracted by it, running his fingers through it. At that moment the sunlight broke through the window bathing Teyla in a resplendent amber light. John's breath caught in his chest as he stared at her, absolutely transfixed. She hovered over him, a gentle smile gracing her features, then leaned down and kissed him.

"Thank you." Teyla traced her fingers over his face, and John closed his eyes, soaking up the feeling. "What does 'the whole package' mean?" she asked.

John opened his eyes and smiled. "It means I want to be with you, Teyla Emmagan. You and Torren. Everyday, every night, through the good times and the bad times."

Teyla's countenance became serious as he spoke. She moved back and sat on the end of the bed; the sheet fell away but Teyla was unconcerned about her nudity. Sensing a radical shift in her mood, John sat up also and mirrored her pose, gathering her hands into his own.

"Did I say something wrong?"

Teyla shook her head. "You have made your pledge." At John's confusion, she explained. "Among my people, when one person gives their intention as you did, it is a solemn covenant. What you have given me is ... beyond words."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I mean it." He squeezed her fingers lightly. "I love you."

Teyla's eyes grew bright. "And I love you, John Sheppard. For today and for tomorrow, for whatever may come. I am yours." Slowly, she lifted their joined hands in front of them, and taking John's into her own she carefully kissed the inside of each wrist. Closing his hands together, she bowed over them with her eyes closed.

John had never seen this ritual but he had a strong suspicion of it's meaning for her. He moved his hands to surround hers and drew them to his own lips, brushing them softly over her wrists. He bowed over their hands for several heartbeats and in the stillness felt Teyla touch her forehead to his.

"So what happens now?" he asked when she lifted her head. He lowered their hands and gazed into her warm eyes.

"Now we live." Teyla rose from the bed and slipped into her clothes, and John joined her. Taking his hand, she said, "For real this time."

-oo-

AN: Epilogue to follow.


	9. Epilogue

_"There is no path to happiness; happiness is the path"_

_Gautama Buddha_

**Epilogue**

"Okay now, little man. This is serious stuff. You're taking a big step. Are you sure you're ready?" John asked.

Torren Emmagan-Sheppard pulled himself up to his full three feet, eleven inches. "I am not afraid."

"That's my boy." John passed the controls to Torren who took them eagerly.

"Start it off easy, that's right. Not too fast."

Torren's brown eyes focused intently on the UAV. Gasping the controls, he sped the plane up.

"Now lift the nose, just a bit," John instructed. The plane began to rise at a gentle 30 degrees. "You got it, buddy!"

Torren flashed a bright grin, but never took his eyes off the UAV. It was rising steadily now, approaching the level of the tree tops. Once sure the UAV was up, John quickly slid into his seat in front of the puddle jumper's view screen. Tapping a few instructions brought up the view from the UAV. Torren switched from looking out the front shield to the view screen. Over the trees it soared in a smooth straight line.

"That's great. Now why don't you try turning a little, take a look around."

"I like this way," Torren said steering the UAV towards the mountains. He made the unmanned plane bank a little and the view displayed the rich forest below and the snow covered mountain in the distance. A flock of native birds flew up suddenly, having been startled by the little plane, and Torren laughed in delight.

He was really getting the hang of it. The plane flew further away from the clearing where it had started and was getting closer to the mountains.

"Hey, wanna freak out Uncle Rodney?" John smirked at the boy.

The plane flew unsteadily for a moment as Torren laughed, "Sure!"

"Okay, just do that again. Keep flying towards the mountain, but make it wobbly. Can you do that?"

"Like this?" Torren moved the control a little too far and the plane took a swooping dive.

"Don't crash it! Pull up!" John's heart dropped into his stomach at the thought of the bill for the UAV.

Torren laughed at John, and deftly righted the plane. "I got it, Dad!"

John blew out a tense breath, and smiled at his son, shaking his head. He was a handful, but the seven and a half year old was the light of their lives.

"Okay, smarty pants, keep on flying it just like that." John started punching keys in front of him. "But seriously, don't crash it! The IOA will kill me."

A few more taps, and John activated his radio. "McKay! Come in McKay! Emergency!" he shouted, earning him a grin from Torren.

The radio responded through the jumper's speakers. "_Sheppard? What's wrong?_" Rodney asked urgently.

"It's me and Torren. We're in the jumper, and the blast shield activated! We're flying blind!" Torren took a sudden turn coming dangerously close to some trees.

"_I see you!_" McKay called out. "_I've got the visual from your forward sensors. You're coming up on the mountain, fast! You've got to veer left. Now!_" he shouted. John bit his fist to hid his laughter. Torren turned left, and Rodney rushed to continue, "_Okay, now let me just get a fix on your position. I'll have Atlantis bring you in on override_."

John smirked at Torren who grinned back conspiratorially. Torren continued to have the UAV bob and weave erratically, while the sound of tapping from Rodney's end came through loud and clear. A few seconds later and then:

"_Oh, Jeez!_" McKay shouted. "_Sheppard!_"

The pair in the jumper whooped with laughter, and Rodney answered with "_Oh, ha ha, you two. Very funny_."

"Got you!" Torren called.

"_This time, you little bugger! You know,you shouldn't do that to me; I practically gave birth to you_," McKay reminded the boy, who rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, no. That was all Teyla, McKay," Sheppard reminded him.

"_Well, I caught him_," he told Torren. "_I think that entitles me to certain privileges, like not being scared to death!_"

"Keep dreaming, McKay," John laughed. "We'll be back in a few. Sheppard out."

Once the UAV was safely landed and retrieved, the pair flew the jumper home. Upon docking in the jumper bay, they opened the rear hatch to find McKay glaring at them with his arms crossed.

"Now, now, Meredith," John began. "It was all in good fun!"

"Uh huh." He slung his arm around Torren and gave the boy an affectionate nuggy, pulling him away. "Somebody owes me big time." Torren laughed and went with McKay, the pair of them pretending to wrestle as they walked away.

"Have him home in time for dinner!" John called out to the retreating pair.

John logged the jumper back in and left the hanger bay. He still had the rest of the day off, so he made his way to the training rooms. The main room was cluttered with Marines working out, but John moved past, intent on his target. The last room in the wing was smaller but had excellent views of the ocean and the mainland far in the distance. One window was open, allowing the sounds of ocean birds to flow in on a warm fresh breeze. John slowed to a stop.

The room was neatly packed with silent people sitting on narrow mats. He scanned the participants until he located her. Teyla was near the front, sitting cross legged with her eyes closed as the rest. Dr. Zalenka was talking in low tones, something about moving a ball of light, but John tuned him out. He could only see Teyla.

The class must have ended because people began rising and rolling up their mats. Teyla was rolling hers up as well and John hurried in to help.

"I got it," he said. Teyla gave him a grateful smile. The room emptied out, and soon it was only the two of them. He put the mat into the cubbies with the rest, while she wandered over the window. He came up behind her and wrapping his arms around her, whispered in her ear, "How are my girls?"

Teyla leaned back against him. "_We_ are just fine," she answered, taking his hand and rubbing it over her swollen abdomen. "Where is Torren?" she asked.

"With Rodney." Teyla lifted her chin and looked at John, sensing he wasn't quite telling her something. "We might have pulled a small prank on him," he confessed to her calculating look.

"Oh really?" she turned in his arms, questioningly. She slipped her fingers into his belt loops and held him captive while she began exploring his neck with her lips.

"He got the impression that we were in the jumper and were about to crash into the mountains," John couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"Hmm," Teyla murmured, running her lips along his collarbone. "That was quite rude."

"Worth it, though" John disagreed, shivering at her touch.

"How so?"

"Because now I've got you all to myself for the rest of the afternoon."

"True. I guess in the cosmological scheme of things..." Teyla trailed off and looked up at John in hesitation. He understood.

Kissing her forehead, he finished for her, "... it was not that bad."

_The End._


End file.
